Funny Qutes About Moving Day

Top Best Funny Quotes About Moving Day

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I celebrated Thanks giving in an old-fashioned way. 
I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, 
we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them 
and took their land. Jon Stewart
I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your 
ignorance. Jon Stewart
It doesn’t make it a gotcha question just because 
it got ya. Jon Stewart

funny quotes about moving day

These glasses are way 2 big for my damn face! I 
look like I got on a damn tinted construction mask. 
I think if you get kicked in the face you deserved 
it because that means that you watched the foot 
come to your face.

funny quotes about moving day

If I still cannot hear what you have to say after 
you have repeated it three times, I will just laugh 
and hope it was not a question. Kevin Hart
First off, my kids know I’m a big deal. Kevin Hart

funny quotes about moving day

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like! 
It was born 15 minutes ago it looks like a potato. Kevin Hart
All I can do is try to create my own brand and have 
people appreciate me for that.

funny quotes about moving day

You won’t burn in hell. But be nice anyway. Ricky Gervais
If you can’t joke about the most horrendous things 
in the world, what’s the point of jokes? What’s the 
point in having humor? Humor is to get us over 
terrible things.
Enjoy life. Have fun. Be kind. Have worth. Have 
friends. Be honest. Laugh. Die with dignity. 
Make the most of it. It’s all we’ve got.

Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you 
are dead. It is only painful for others. 
The same applies when you are stupid.
Beliefs do not change facts. Facts, if one is rational, 
should change beliefs.
It’s a strange myth that atheists have nothing to 
live for. It’s the opposite. We have nothing to 
die for. We have everything to live for.

funny quotes about moving day

Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: 
If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, 
the answer is yes. 
If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I’d be broke.
In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to
be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 
’Keep your facts, I’m going with the truth.

I say if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.
Say yes. You’ll figure it out afterward.
It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. 
Perfect is boring on live TV.

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress 
a man up like an old lady and push her down the 
stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, 
you push an actual old lady down the stairs.
Before you marry a person, you should first make 
them use a computer with slow Internet service 
to see who they really are.

funny quotes about moving day

A Harvard Medical School study has determined that 
rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell 
a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the 
baby who’s boss.
Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and 
hug them, because I know how tough life is for 
the visually impaired.
Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste 
time, you write on walls and you get poked by 
people you don’t know.

funny quotes about moving day

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk 
comes out of my nose. 
I failed kindergarten because I couldn’t spell 
my last name.
When I was in high school I used to sit by myself 
in the cafeteria – not necessarily by choice – 
but I thought it was funny to talk to people 
that weren’t there.

funny quotes about moving day

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, 
but not necessary to show it off.
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice 
letter saying I approved of it.
If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

funny quotes about moving day

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth 
has a chance to get its pants on.
Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians 
seriously and the politicians as a joke.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by 
people who annoy me.

funny quotes about moving day

If you’re a sports fan you realize that when you 
meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of 
have to root for your team. They don’t have 
a choice.
I just really don’t like being the center of attention 
that much. It’s kind of ironic.
Just remember, when you should grab something, grab it; 
when you should let go, let go.

funny quotes about moving day

Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, 
like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
The summer movies are coming out! My advice: just 
stay home and burn a good book.
You don’t need strength to let go of something. 
What you really need is understanding.